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Baseball Jokes

"For it's root root root for the Expos, if they don't win nobody in the province of Quebec could possibly notice. For it's one, two three people in attendance on average day, at the pointless ball game [In Montreal]."

Did you see the Cinergy Field in Cincinatti blow up on TV. It was the coolest thing I've seen in a while.
If only the dynamite were attached to Tampa Bay's stadium.

Can you identify the man who hit you on the head three con secutive times?
When I accidently got thrown onto the field, and landed under one of the pitchers, he just did his usual windup- it was Ben Weber- it was that geeky guy on the angels.

What's the differerence between Pete Rose and Ted Williams?
Well they could both hit, but only one of them managed to get suspended from the sport that Bud sucks into his brain.

I hear Bud Selig's locked himself up tonight, the night before the winter meetings, to privately plan out stuff. How do I get in touch with him this time of night?
1-800-ALARM-ME

What's the difference between the Royals' starting infield and the Mets' starting infield?
One is polularly known throughout the U.S. [but without talent] and the other is unpopular throughout the U.S. [yet also without talent].

What are the Braves gonna do about their shaken up starting rotation, with all this talk of Maddux and Glavine?
If I had a machine gun, I'd use it on you right now buddy.

How do you spell dissapointment?
M-E-T-S, or even better B-O-B-B-Y  V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E

How do I face my boss looking as sad as I am?
Just tell him you were at a Royals game last night. he'll understand.

Can I borrow your microscope?
No, I'm using mine, but you can borrow Ben Webers Glasses, they're thick enough.

This map is wrong, China is so much smaller than it normally is.
Didn't you hear, the Yankees bombed China and forced all the ball players to join the team.

So what's the best way to piss off Bud Selig?
Tell him the Expos have an enormous payroll, and the all star game was great.

Did you hear we finally traded that guy from the Phillies, Mike Timlin?
Yeah, now he can give up homeruns elsewhere
 

Why isn't Mo Vaughn with the team at Subway?
Oh, he's just workin out at Weight Watchers.

Uh, this game has taken centuries.
Of course it has, the wind here in Chicago is blowing every fly ball out of play, duh!

12-year-old Jeff Maier reached out and caught a fly ball at the Yankees-Orioles game, causing Baltimore to lose the first game of the playoffs.             This means that Maier has already caught more fly balls than the entire Tigers outfield...

mlb-autjerus-042-zoom.jpg

Please buy this shirt for the love of Mercy? I've been beggin so many people for years to just try to find something to like about the Tigers, and I've failed.

Why did Barry Bonds go to China?
The guy who cought his 600 home run ball immigrated back.

What's that small thing running all over the field?
Oh, that's just Bud Selig's grandson copying Dusty Baker's son in the World Series.

Why did Ellis Burks and Shawon Dunston cross the road?
They thought they saw the road to retirement.